S u g a r a n d V i c e

All is right with the world

Michael bought a new car last night. It is virtually the same exact car as his old baby but with 30k less miles on it. He's picking it up tuesday morning. Needless to say, he's a happy boy.

I'm working in Ellum tonight till 2:30am. I got heather drunk last night, but hopefully she'll be feeling up to driving me off to work. It's absurdly hot outside, and on saturdays the busses don't run as often so my normal 1.5 hour bus ride has doubled to three hours. I really. Really. REALLY. don't want to ride the bus, then work the hell shift with no security till Michael gets done gaming around midnight. However I'll do it if I have to, cause I'm tough.

and cause I have pink hair.

=D

See, I can post

Apparently I am making up for lost time today. The last two weeks I've been working outside at another manager's home cleaning product that was salvaged out of the store. Mainly just washing off clamshell boxes and getting dry wall off packages, but the fun part was we had to test all the toys to verify they were in working order. So while I was outside in 100 degree heat, covered in god knows what for 8-10 hours a day, there was a lot of '<I>Omg! I didn't know this toy did that!</i>'. It was amazingly educational, not only seeing the toys in 'action', but the other manager has been working with toys for 6+ years. I want to harvest her knowledge and use it for my own gains. I'd come home from work though, and be so tired I'd fall face down into my bed or couch and be out till it was time to do it all over again.

Now with a day off, I feel almost human again. The fact that I just bought booze and hair dye is helping with that too. Later tonight Headdo and Jeremy will be stopping by so we can bleach the fuck out of my hair and return it to its natural color.

p i n k

I've never pinked my hair when it was this long, so I have my fingers crossed this will work the way I plan. If not, I'm shaving my head. I'd be cute bald right?

[w r o n g]

Wish me luck.

Tiptoe

Funny that I would decide to write about this here, in the more public of my forums, but I'm tired of hiding this within me. My thoughts have been buzzing around the back of my head, and this isn't something that I can talk to just anyone about. Mainly because I haven't totally worked out my own feelings, and I don't know how to deal with the loss of something I never wanted in the first place.

Last October, I had an abortion. I was seven weeks pregnant with a baby I wasn't supposed to be able to conceive. Michael and I had just started dating, and I'd only been back in Dallas two months. My health was horrid to the point that having the baby could have killed me, we didn't have the money to afford a child, and we were not mentally ready to have a baby. Michael is still in school, and I work in a porn store. So we split the cost, I took a few days off work, and early one morning we drove past the picket lines.

I've never felt worse than I did when I was pregnant. I vomited every few minutes it seemed, countless times I could be found hanging over the railing of my friends balcony gagging over whatever I had just tried to eat. I didn't want this, he didn't want this. I've never even imagined myself with children, or being a Mom. We made the right choice, and I have never had a doubt about that.

That all being said, the abortion changed me. I will fight to my dying breath for my right to choose, but I can't imagine using abortions as birth control as I've seen people do. I mourn the promise of what could have come from that collection of blood and tissue growing within me to this day. My due date would have been mid June, and that combined with my nephew's birth have brought my feelings back up to the surface.

The fight within me has been swirling around the fact that I made the decision I wanted to make, no one forced me into this and I have always known that if I really wanted the baby one way or another it would have worked out. So if this was what I wanted, how can I be sad? When I do start talking about what happened, people get this fearful/overly sympathetic look on their faces. I don't want pity, or a shoulder to cry on. I want someone to just talk to about the things I think about.

I've looked around on line at abortion message boards, but those are depressing. Most of the women on there seem to regret what they did, or have named their abortions. That kinda weirds me out, to be honest. I know everyone deals with this in their own way, but that way doesn't work for me.

I'll just keep trying to figure myself out via quiet moments with my laptop. This method has been pretty good to me so far. Oh, and if you disagree with abortion and believe that I murdered my baby - don't waste your time telling me so. I am fully aware that people across the globe have this perspective, however whatever you have to say about it will not change my mind. Take the time you'd spend flaming me and put it towards doing something to help the millions of unwanted children across the globe.

Lost Woman Song - Ani Difranco

i opened a bank account
when i was nine years old
i closed it when i was eighteen
i gave them every penny that i'd saved
and they gave my blood
and my urine
a number
now i'm sitting in this waiting room
playing with the toys
and i am here to exercise
my freedom of choice
i passed their handheld signs
went through their picket lines
they gathered when they saw me coming
they shouted when they saw me cross
i said why don't you go home
just leave me alone
i'm just another woman lost
you are like fish in the water
who don't know that they are wet
as far as i can tell
the world isn't perfect yet
his bored eyes were obscene
on his denim thighs a magazine
i wish he'd never come here with me
in fact i wish he'd never come near me
i wish his shoulder
wasn't touching mine
i am growing older
waiting in this line
some of life's best lessons
are learned at the worst times
under the fierce fluorescent
she offered her hand for me to hold
she offered stability and calm
and i was crushing her palm
through the pinch pull wincing
my smile unconvincing
on that sterile battlefield that sees
only casualties
never heroes
my heart hit absolute zero
lucille, your voice still sounds in me
mine was a relatively easy tragedy
now the profile of our country
looks a little less hard nosed
but that picket line persisted
and that clinic's since been closed
they keep pounding their fists on reality
hoping it will break
but i don't think there's a one of them
leads a life free of mistakes
yes, i'm not going to sacrifice my freedom of choice
no you can't make us sacrifice our freedom of choice

I love my adopted State

I do, I love Texas. I hate the summers, but late afternoons like this almost make it worth it. Earlier this afternoon I went out for a smoke and it was like stepping out into a blast furnace. 15 minutes later thunder started to rumble and I stayed in my AC'd apartment hiding from flesh burning heat. Now that I've eaten and watched a few episodes of West Wing, I decided that my smoking habit outweighed my need of flesh and came out to my porch. It feels about 20 degrees cooler with a light wind, which is now blowing the soft smell of rain across my face. I love Texas. The weather changes it's mind more often than I do.

Last night's firework display was called half way through because of rain, however good times were still had by all. I've never seen so many people in this area, families out on blankets up and down the road. Sam, Rob, Heather, Jeremy and Michael all came over for our 3rd of July Booze and Boobs party, where there was - you guessed it - booze and boobs. We sat around the apartment watching the first season of Family Guy until we heard the first boom of the display, then walked out to the apartment entry to get a better view. The boys climbed up into the trees, and the girls all sat on the large ornate sign. Michael pulled up the van so we could hear the music the show was timed with, and we made jokes until the rain came down to the point where everything just stopped.

Then began the 'Booze and Boobs' part. Sam made chalupas, and we all got drunk watching Chappelle's show. The rest will be summed up with 'and great fun was had by all' because what happens at a booze and boobs party, stays in the booze and boobs party. Then my sexual frustration hit new highs and I raped Michael. He liked it.

Very good night. Perfect way to start off life in the new place. Speaking of the new place, there are not words for how much I love this apartment. It is perfect for us, and I've made great strides in setting it all up. The best part of moving into a new place a few months after your two best friends get married, is they have tons of stuff they don't need anymore. Stuff that my broke punk ass needs. So I am being hooked up with nearly an entire kitchen worth of stuff from Sam, and my bathroom is being decorated by Heather. They are, da bomb.

Now it is M's Mamma's birthday, so I need to find out if my presence is going to be requested for dinner tonight. I need a shower before this happens.

All is well in the world..

I got laid.

Fuck fireworks.

Let's not ask 'What's next'..

On his way to meet me to sign the lease on thursday, Michael was in a wreck. His car is totalled, and he's pretty banged up. His airbag didn't deploy, and it's fucking amazing he got out of it. I shake just thinking about it. Man, we've had some amazing luck the last few weeks. Pelvis breaking, missing a week of work, stores burning down, needing to find an apartment asap, car wrecks..

Is summer over yet?

Anyway, the good news is that I am making this entry from our beautiful new apartment. Everything but the couch and my big ass headboard has been moved in. Mostly it is just bags and boxes, however Loki and the Ratties are quite happy. There's a little bit of food in the fridge, and it's ours. Though we really haven't been here very much, M is dogsitting so I stayed over with him last night. I'm still on forced abstinence, however we did make some very good use of the warm night, large pool, and privacy fence.

I worked over at RHF today, cleaning off the racks we salvaged out of my store. We've gotten everything out, and prolly locked the door for the last time. When I say we, I should say the owner and another manager have. I've not been to see the store since the fire, because as silly as this sounds, I'm afraid I'll cry.

There is a lot I'd like to get out of my brain right now, however it's been a really long month for me and my bed is screaming my name. Tomorrow should be a calmer day.
 

Oops

I've been cheating on my diet a lot recently. I'd been feeling fine, and enjoying cheeseburgers like you wouldn't believe. Cept now with the stress of the last two weeks, my ulcer is back with vengence. ::clutches belly:: Kill me....

My honey is doing a massage right now, and I need to get in the shower. When he gets home we're walking over to the office and signing the lease, getting the keys, and starting to move. TXU won't switch over the power til the third because the first happens on a weekend, so I am hoping that won't be a problem. Roomie's new roommate is going to start moving in Monday...so I need to have everything out by then. Thankfully I don't have very much, and minus the bed and couch, I don't have much that is heavy. I'm gonna go shower and try to look presentable.

Oh, later. Cool work update.

In praise of Craigslist

Craig Newmark, Founder of Craigslist, is now one of my new personal heroes. Someone get that man a blowjob. I have been browsing the DFW craigslist site for a lil while tonight, since I have a new apartment I am moving into in two days and am lacking in furniture. That's kinda an understating of the facts, but oh well. As it happens, I am also broke. [Note the broken pelvis and store burning down.] This was going to pose a problem, however then I stumbled onto the free pages. Problem Solved.

We need a coffee table, end tables, book cases, a desk, lights, a dresser, and a new cheap bed. Free stuff isn't always the prettiest, but yunno, it's free. There for sale ads were also pretty fab. Bunches of rich people selling their shit cheaply at the last minute, all the better. Here's what I've found so far. I really like these, and I don't know why. This desk is fugly, but the price is right.  Now this coffee table is a lil pricey for me right now, but damn I like it. The white sofa makes me hot. Are you kidding me? We need this bed. Hi, I'll take everything. Or atleast the table and tv stand.

Man, I <3's teh interwebs.

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong that I am getting wet over the new Slate redesign?

1,000lbs lighter

Today has been good news piled onto good news. Even some of the negatives that I have going on are turning out to work in my favor. So while I am often Fortune's Fool, when things do roll my way I can do little wrong.

Earlier this month my roommate and I decided to part ways. Our lifestyles don't mesh well, as I work nights - she works early mornings, and our personalities are very different. She's a neat freak catholic conservative, I am a packrat hippie bleeding heart liberal. ::I smell a sitcom!:: Beyond all that, M and I just need our own pad. So we picked out a little one bedroom in the same complex I currently live in, and crossed our fingers.

This complex I live in is absurdly nice. Roomie and I could only afford to live here because she works for the family who owns it, so we got a huge break in the rent and didn't have to pass the credit check. I've been a walking ball of worry since we dropped off our paperwork for the new place, because I know the second they actually run my credit they would laugh me right out of richville. The rent is high here, even for Addison, but we think it is worth it. I'm very willing to pay more and have a smaller place for these kind of perks. Huge, beautiful swimming pool, a spa, two tennis courts, daily doorstep trash pickup, new appliances, bay windows, ceiling fans in every room, beautiful french doors, recessed lighting, huge bathrooms and walk in closets. On top of all that, this apartment was the model so it is also beautifully painted and the landscaping around it is amazing. Oh, and the sheriff of a neighboring town lives here and does nightly patrols. Cars don't even get broken into.

I really want this apartment.

So my first call of the day was word that it's ours. We get the keys on thursday. [!!!!]

Second call of the day was from work. The fires have finally all been put out and the building has finally been labeled sound, so another manager went in this morning with the insurance company to begin inventory on the damage. She said that all things considered, it's looking pretty good. The store don't have to be leveled, which was a fear. The roof is pretty much gone, and really so is the back half of the store. However the front is looking pretty good. Tons of water and smoke damage, but there should be some product that survived. My baby may be okay.

Still no word on rebuilding/time table on re-opening, but that will come. There are not many hours for those of us who worked my store, however M and I have some cash saved up. The time off work gives me a chance to pack, move, and unpack faster than I would working 50 hrs a week. So there is even some good in that.

Final bit of good news, my ex-gf/best friend has some roof rattie pinkies that she is hand feeding and attempting to tame. Should the taming work, I'm going to get a new rat baby! An absurdly cute/rare rat baby at that. I am a crazy cat and rat lady.

Good news, good day. After the hell that was last week, this feels pretty damn good.

Back to the Begining

It's sunday afternoon and I am back in Ellum fending off the mases. Actually I'm sitting in the wheelchair being lazy, about to pop the last painkiller I have. After teh casket races my period magically decided to return after going MIA for a month. I know you're thinking, I don't want to know about your damn bleeding bitch, but lemme just say this. Cramps are satan's taint when the muscles that are cramping are torn/not properly attached.

Oh.My.God.Pain.

While I am getting paid to sit online, M is at home having a 'conversation of doom'. He has an interesting relationship with his parents, and they don't talk much about his life. Not judging, that's his deal. We've got very different relationships with our parents..Anyway, he's telling them we're moving in together. [On friday.] They're not going to be upset because they dislike me, or think we're moving too fast - it's more along the lines of money worries. Certainly now that my store burned down and my income over the next few weeks is rather unknown. I just hope is goes alright.

I'm gonna go stab my uterus out. I leave you with WHEELBOUND HOTNESS from the Casket Races.

Greenville is Burning

At 4:15 weds afternoon, my store burned down. It was a 6 alarm fire, and the third worst in DFW history. As of right now, we don't know exactly what caused the fire. It took down the entire block, and I could see the smoke from my apartment 25 miles away.

This is my journal entry from my LiveJournal, I just don't have it in me right now to retype everything..

Well, the shock is starting to wear off now. Here's my last 24 hours..

After I wrote my first entry of yesterday, Sam and Rob came over. I decided I wanted to go into work early and get the last things into the computer system, but as we were getting everything together to get out the door Ellum called me. Julieann first just said that I had the night off because there was a kitchen fire at Nuevo Leon and the store would be closed. No need to panic, if anything changed she'd let me know. So instead of going to work, we got in the car to meet up with Michael to get some dinner. This was 4:40 or so.

When we hit the tollway we could see smoke, but we assumed that it had to be something else because there was no way that we'd see anything from 25 miles away. As we drove down the tollway I got a sick feeling in my stomach, and at 5:05 I got a call from Julieann. 'Crista honey, stay calm. I'm sorry, but your store is burning. The Arcadia just collapsed. 6 alarm fire, everyone is safe but I don't know anything else.' This is the point the shock hit, and all I was saying was 'My store..My little pink store...'

Michael had Luke check out my pelvis, which is doing much better actually. Then he left work and we started over to Greenville. I rolled down the window to begin chain smoking and could smell the fire from 5 miles away. We pulled into Whole Foods parking lot, threw me in the wheelchair and ran over to the crowd. Quickly we found Wanus, Greg, Julieann and Matt. I just sat there with my hand over my mouth staring in horror at the trucks trying to kill the flames. I don't really remember what was said between us, Wanus kept kneeling by my chair asking if I was alright and Sam was petting my hair.

It was just surreal. There were flames, but my store still had power. The Condom Sense sign was on, as was the Open sign. It didn't seem real. It still doesn't seem real.

After a while Julieann left, and there was nothing to do but stand and watch the fire. I hadn't eaten so far that day, so we decided to go hunt down food. We wheeled me down a bit until I saw Smokey and we went into the Pub House. This is when Greenville Ave began buying us drinks. We walked up, Smokey told them to take good care of me, and the bartender asked if we were here for the fire.

Pinkness: "Kinda, I'm the manager of Condom Sense. Those flames are my store."
Bartender: "Yeah, first round's on me."

After a while it struck me that this was prolly gonna make some national news, so I walked onto the street and called my cousin. While he and I talked I started to hear a creaking noise. I looked up and watched my roof collapse.

I went back to my drinks.

Greg and Wanus were allowed into the store to grab the cash drawer and lock the place up around 9:30. It was dark so they couldn't tell much of how bad the damage was. I left the area after 10:30, we went to go look at the store again and I started to get teary..so we drove me up to Sam and Rob's in Ft Worth where we ended up spending the night. I had a pretty big panic attack, because it just felt like everything was crashing around me.

Michael and I got up this morning, and on the ride back to Dallas Jak called and asked me to come down to Ellum for a few hours. Rushed to the apartment so I could shower and change out of my clothing since I reeked of smoke, then headed to Ellum. Working made things feel more normal, and I got more of the scoop as to what was going on.

Greg was in there this morning, and he says that the roof burned then the back half collapsed into the store. Two walls are gone. There is about a foot of water on the floor, maybe three feet in the debris in back. He said it's bad. It's really bad.

I love my job, and I think everyone knows how much I love my job. Man, I loved that store. Really, over the last few months I've felt more at home there than I have in my apartment. It was safe, and it was my store. She was little, pink and neglected when I started as Manager and at the time of the fire we made the most profit of any of the stores. I was so proud of that little place, and watching it burn was so amazingly hard I get nauseated thinking about it. There just aren't words right now.

It's okay to laugh..

Note: If you are related to me in any way, don't read this post. If you do I am not responsible for any nightmares it may cause.

So weds morning I realize my hip is sore. Michael and I had just enjoyed some hot, notaMarried sex the night before so being sore wasn't a big shocker there. After work, I was still a little sore but I was still shrugging it off. Thursday it was worse, and by the end of my crazy night running around re-arranging stock it hurt. BAD. By the time I wanted to go to sleep I couldn't because there were white hot streaks of searing pain from my hip down my right leg. Friday morning, I was limping. Last night I ended up drinking myself under the table trying to deal with the pain. Michael looked at it a few times over the course of the night, and then again this morning.

Well, he couldn't figure out what was wrong. Once we realized I could have smoked out Willie Nelson last night and was still in a lot of pain, he made a call to his boss at the physical therapy place he works at, Luke. Luke can't figure it out on the phone, so he asks us to come in. I hobble up to the office, he lays me down and after a few minutes of Horrific levels of painful prodding he informs me that I should now know how it feels to birth a baby elephant. Michael's cock broke my pubic symphysis, ripped the muscles and ligaments away, and twisted my hip to the point it was almost dislocated.

I now have a brace around my hips to hold the bones in place while I heal, and lil electrical pads practically on my pussy to help the muscles get better. He also loaned Michael acupressure goodies to help me deal with the HORRIFIC PAIN I AM IN. Michael.Broke.My.Vagina.and.hips.and.pelvis.

Somehow, I feel strangely validated in my claims that Michael is well endowed. He feels really guilty, which is absurdly cute. Right now he is running out to get me bath salts so I can soak in the tub. [Awww]

Since I am on couch rest, Headdo and Jeremy are coming over to hang out for a bit and keep me entertained. After years and years of always being too sick to get out of bed, I now hate anything that prevents me from doing things for myself. We were going to see the Princess Bride at Addison Circle with a large group of friends, but I've got a 10 hour work day tomorrow. Somehow I don't think 'Michael broke my vag plowing me' as an acceptable reason to not be at work. Though I can see this working in my favor at the store. "You've got to buy things from me, my sex life is so good that my notaHusband breaks my pussy and I still want more."

Yes, you may laugh at this. Trust me, I have been. I was laughing moments after screaming in pain from when they had to set my pubic bones back into place. However in a few days I will not be laughing, because we can't have sex for a few weeks. At least a few weeks.

Once I am no longer in horrific pain, I'll find it even more amusing than I do now. I expect urban legends to pop up surrounding this incident, but until they do..Tell me: What was your worst sex injury?

And now to explain my earlier post.

The same night M and I started dating, we decided that we needed to get married on 6/6/6 because, well, it just made sense. Over time we couldn't figure out if we were joking about getting married anymore, right up till he proposed on New Years. Since then, the general thoughts on our getting married have gone like this: Me saying "I'm not planning this bitch, we're eloping", and Him saying "Just grab me one day and tell me we're going to get married now."

So I got him over to Heather's apt and informed him we were getting married. It was 6/6/6 by a few minutes, there were twist tie wedding bands, and not only did the vows include the promise of butt sex, but he also promised to love my crazy for the rest of his life. [sucker]

So ha. We're married. I don't care if it is legal. I don't have to ever get legally married. That was the most perfect wedding I could have ever imagined.

The notamarried sex was pretty mind blowing too.

Now, I'm rocking the adult novelty store and praying that the horny 666 celebrating masses come to hand me their money tonight. My first few days back from work have been rather slow, and since we just pumped a bunch of money into the store with new products I'm now dying to give them new good homes.